I have been married for three years and my husband was wonderful. We have a three year son. My husband lost someone very close to him and has become depressed and a bear to live with. He lost his job, broke into my bank account and stolen every penny we have. I can’t afford diapers for my child. I am lost and alone and not sure what to do, everyone tells me to leave him, but how do I walk away from someone who clearly is crying out for help. I love my husband and I don’t know what to do. Please give me some guidence!

After three years together and with a child to consider, you are the only one who cna determine if your marriage is worth saving. However, since you seem to think it is, and you have been there for all of it, I would suggest that maybe you are right.

You have not said how long your husband has been depressed and out of work or if he will acknowledge that he needs help, but as long as he is not violent with you and your son, it is perfectly okay for you to try to save your marriage.  Too many people try to walk away when things get tough and think that divorce is an easy answer.

Well, it isn’t an easy answer and may not be what is best for you and your son. First, you need to find out why your husband took your money and what he did with it. Is it an addiction: gambling, drinking, spending?  Did he realize that he was leaving you without money for diapers for your son?

Second, you need to talk with your husband. Take your son to a friend’s or a babysitter or someone you can trust for a couple hours and go home without any distractions and talk to your husband. Ask him how you can help. Let him know that you love him and want to make things work. Ask him if he has considered counseling. Losing someone you love can be devastating and a lot of times, men are not taught to grieve. Everyone tells them that “boys don’t cry” and real men are tough and so they don’t know how to deal with pain.

Don’t threaten him, but do be honest. Let him know how much it hurt you that he took your money and how it is affecting your family. Tell him that you have been thinking about leaving because of the way he is acting, but that you love him and don’t want to do that. Let him know that you want him to be part of yoru life and your son’s life.

Now, if he has been violent with you or your son, then you need to change your approach and think seriously about leaving. If he is just hurting himself, and being mean, then appeal to the man you fell in love with and see if you can help him through his pain.