dear rose I recently found your site and believe you may be able to help me. my marriage has been on the rocks for 5 years, still trying to mend it. During that time I met someone on the internet. I avoiding speaking to this person at first, then one day we started talking about personal issues. My mother was very sick at the same time in another state and passed away 2 weeks after I started speaking to this person. Feeling very sad and hurt he reached out to me and I ended up falling for him. For some reason everytime I did try to pull away I was talked back into keeping in touch with him. To make a long story short used everything he could to keep me attached, and I know now other women in chicago and now in New York. He just recently ended it suddenly through again e-mail and I was so hurt and heart broken. He said that I am a nice person and to please not hate him. I have to admit, I do not hate him. He is very successful in New York and uses his body and kind words and voice to lie and cheat his way through life. I would like to have him exposed for the person he is and what he does. I know it is not all his fault, but some women are very week. I just want him to feel the hurt that he has left with me and the women in chicago and now the women in New york he is with. I would like him to finally grow up, because he is a good person. Can you please help me. angie

It’s odd how many emails I receive from women who have trusted in and fallen for guys online.  And I know that the reason you’ve written to me is that you’re hoping that I will give you a spell to help this man “grow up,” as you say.  I’m sorry, I won’t.

Read back through what you wrote to me, if you would; let’s lay out the facts here.  You met a man on the internet.  You were having a tough time in your marriage, and your mother was terminally ill.  When you first realized that you might be able to harbor feelings for him, you did the right thing for your marriage, and backed off.  Then your mother passed away, and you were emotionally vulnerable.  Of course, he stepped in to fill the emotional void that you were missing at home.  Grrrrrr!!  And even after you fell for him, you STILL tried to keep your marriage whole, but this weasel kept after you to maintain contact with him.  Now, you’ve found out that you are not the only hen in the rooster’s harem, and he’s broken off your online romance, with the admonition that you are not to “hate” him.  What a crappy thing to have done to you, Angie…and what a prime manipulator he is!

Magick is not the answer here.  First, I want you to seek counseling for yourself.  If that leads to marriage counseling, then great…but my primary concern is for your well-being.  I am proud of you for trying to hold your marriage together in such difficult circumstances, but in order for a marriage to work, it has to come from a position of wholeness inside of both parties.  You cannot ever ‘fix’ someone else; the only person you have complete charge over is you.

You can tell me how “good” this guy is until you are blue in the face, but his actions tell me that he is a no-good skunk, a user, and a manipulator.  Stay completely away from this man, in any form of communication.  Any sweet or kind words he said to you he said for his own reasons, for his own benefit, not for yours.  HE wanted to be the one to end this relationship.  For him, it is all about the hunt, the chase, and the ending.  Did you ever consider that he may have more hapless ladies besides the two you know about? 

I know it would feel really good to let these other women in on how he’s treated you…but refrain from doing that, please.  First off, he’s very good at rearranging facts to suit himself, so I doubt either of them would believe you.  (Even if they DID believe you, they may just write it off as “sour grapes” because he’s broken it off with you.)  Secondly, the Universe is very good at making sure folks like this fellow ultimately get what they deserve.  What goes around comes around.  Your complete focus should be on healing and restoration for yourself.  You’ve been through so much in the past few years; be gentle with yourself. 

And never, ever talk with this guy again.  Do not let his negative karma taint you.