Dear Rose, I just want to find my patron deity. I meditate, which I am not good at. I have prayed, cast spells to assist with clarity..I just can’t seem to find the goddess . I can’t explain it, I feel lost or rejected. I am very open minded. I just need a sign. Something. Any advice you may have to offer is truly appreciated. Thank You! Lisa

Merry Meet, Lisa!  I am sorry that you are going through a dry spell in your faith.  Spiritual trials can make us ultimately stronger, but it surely doesn’t feel that way while we are going through them.  It just feels lonely.

The word “Faith” has several roots and many shades of meaning, but for our purpose, let’s try and define it.  The word is believed to be derived from the Middle English “feith”, Anglo-French “feid, fei” and the Latin “fides.”  All of them mean “to trust.”  Merriam-Webster’s definition has three parts which are all applicable here.  Faith is:  a) belief and trust in, and loyalty to your Deity(ies); b) belief in the traditional doctrines of your religion; and c) firm belief in something for which there is no proof.  (Emphasis mine.)  This seems to me to be an outline of what you need to do to bring healing rain for your dry spell.

First, even though you do not know Who your patron deity is, you need to have faith in two things:  one, that your patron exists, and two, that your patron knows who YOU are.  Second, trust the tenets of your chosen faith.  Doing rituals with faith and trust can deepen your bond with your religion, as well as bring you closer to your unknown Deity.  Third…stop looking for signs, and merely trust.  Proof makes faith unnecessary.  If we could literally sit and sip a cup of Joe with our Deities on a daily basis, where would the mysticism, the power be?  Do you understand what I’m saying? 

Here’s my advice to you:  stop searching.  Relax and revel in your meditation, your ritual.  Don’t make it a contest, something which you must be “good at.”  Experts and Adepts are not born, they are made by patient, joyful practice.  Renew yourself, reconnect with your love of the Craft, and thereby reconnect with the wholeness of the Universe.  When the time is right, your Deity will find you.

The Universe has not rejected you.  Sometimes, it is only after we have been through a spiritual desert that we most appreciate the life-giving waters of the unexpected oasis.